Did you know that a few people on my Facebook actually have the cure for cancer? I know, it is astonishing right?! OK, let me back up for a minute, none of them actually came out and said that what they had the actual cure, (more like, "I read this could be the cure"), however a few bold ones did come out and point out what I was doing wrong regarding my treatment . . . insert, WTF?? here please. This has been happening since the first day I put my business all over the internet, (So yes I get it, what did I expect?). I have been doing my best to handle it with gratitude and grace . . . but now education needs to step in and shut this shit down.
Since I can assume most of you reading my blog do not have cancer I will put it in perspective for you. Telling someone who has cancer, (when you do not have cancer yourself), what they should be doing to"cure"themselves is like:
- Non-mothers telling an actual mother how to raise their child (i.e. what to feed them, not to let them watch t.v, . . . basically all the ways you need to improve as a mother)
- A fat person telling a fit person, what not to eat
- A white person telling a black person what to do with their hair (you know what I'm talking about!)
- A single person telling a married person how to keep their man, (F'd up! BTW)
- A person without 2 pennies to rub together, telling another person how they should be spending their cash
You get the pictures right? AND YET TELLING AN ACTUAL PERSON WITH CANCER WHAT THEY SHOULD OR SHOULD NOT BE DOING WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE CANCER IS SO MUCH WORSE!!
My last post of me getting my first shots of chemo may have caused a bit of a, "OMG!" Type of stir in my FB messager. So much so, it had some people questioning my choice. (Insert you must not know me to attempt such a faux pas). Now I know what some of you are thinking, "Monique they are just trying to help . . . and you did start a blog and put your business in the street." ALL TRUE. I will start off by saying I LOVE all the support and kind words from everyone since I started writing about my journey. It is sometimes the one thing that keeps me out of the dark hole I want to crawl into. HOWEVER, most of the people making these comments don't even read my posts at all, (I can tell by the comments, like. "You know what you should do? Stop eating meat). NEWSFLASH I haven't eaten meat in 3 years! Which I mentioned in my first post. So you can imagine my dismay, last night while cuddled up with the hubby, laughing our asses off to Dave Chappell, I got a "ding" from FB messager, from a person I met one time over 4 years ago that read, "I don't know if you remember me we met . . . Chemo is not the answer, call me at . . . . I will let you know xyz . . . blah, choices, blah . . ." At this point I am seriously questioning why I add just anyone with a coke and a smile to my Facebook? Lesson learned.
Now first I will start by addressing why this PISSED ME OFF SO MUCH! I mean she was doing a selfless deed right?
1. This person does not have or has ever had cancer.
2. This person is not a friend and barely an acquaintance (which begs the question who else in on my FB I have added randomly over the years I may need to detox?).
3. This person has NEVER once reached out to me over those 4 years about anything and I have never seen her even like a pic (The nerve).
4. SHE IS NOT A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL (I am talking western or otherwise)
The second reason I was so PISSED OFF, is that this has been happening not only to me, but random strangers have been sending friends of mine info to pass along, WITHOUT any real research done from their side. I am talking quick fix elixirs, and remedies without a medical journal reference, clinical trial mention, not event a homeopathic sign off! Instead it sounds something like this:
"I saw this article that you just have to read, saw it on FB!" True story.
"I heard of this miracle herb that can cure you, check it out!" - Did you check it out before recommending it to the cancer patient? Just saying.
"You need to cut out the sugar right away! It is the worst thing for cancer" Did I not say in my first post I ran off to chapters hours after being diagnosed? That is like the first sentence in every anti-cancer diet book - but she was right about this. Only it was presumptuous of her to think I hadn't (which I had 6 months prior, along with giving up wheat and gluten).
"You need to go on an all alkaline diet" When asked if she used this to cure her breast cancer, she replied, "No, I have never had cancer, but my uncles friend swears by it!" FYI an all alkaline diet is recommend for the entire population and is a good idea, and I have done it . . . still got cancer.
"My friends cousin swears by Cannibis!" Now who hasn't heard Cannibis is associated with helping cancer patients in some form? I don't smoke, but who wouldn't want a free pass to smoke it whenever wherever? However, CANNIBIS DOES NOT CURE CANCER! What it can do is help with pain management, and promote appetite if you have a problem keeping on weight. More importantly, I asked, "Did your friends cousin have breast cancer?" Since his name was Josh - I assumed not . . . And I was right. NEWSFLASH THERE ARE OVER 100 TYPES OF CANCER, they are not all created equal or respond to the same types of treatment.
"You need to juice, juice, juice all day every day!" Besides the fact I have been drinking the infamous green drink, (kale, lemon, ginger, celery, cucumber), everyday for almost 3 years - I have also been tagging Greenhouse Juice in Toronto all week long. Again I ask, are the people making these suggestions READING THE BLOG??
"You should do Reiki, it is the key, I am telling you!" Now don't get me wrong I believe in energy healing and all sorts of shit, however the day someone tells me someone who actually had cancer was cured just through practicing Reiki, I will fucking run naked through the oncology departments of the hospitals rescuing people from their chemo appointments. Real talk.
The one that REALLY made me want to block someone off of my FB was this one, "You should really look are releasing anger and resentment from your body . . . ARE YOU SERIOUS?? Even my husband raised and eyebrow at this one. This person again does not know me outside of what I have posted on FB, and I am clear I do not rant or share my personal displeasure over social ever (with the exception of this post of course), so this was more than a little presumptuous. For anyone who knows me, any resentment or anger I ever have, never goes unchecked. I have been in one of the best personal and professional growth training and development companies for the last 3 years, and anything that needed to be handled, whether from childhood to just yesterday (when I read the that message), gets handled within 72 hours. All my LM peeps know what I am talking about.
Now again I know what you are thinking, "Monique you don't have to take the advice, just let it go, people are just trying to help!" This is the last time I will speak on this topic, I swear. But I had to write this for my fellow breast cancer women warriors, who warned me this was coming, (one was told to inject mistletoe to cure herself), what the fuck is that? Does that sound like a lick a piece of sense??
My very first post was entitled, WTF?? Because anyone who knows me knows this:
- I was diagnosed with cancer 10 days after (my young) 36 year old birthday
- I don't smoke (nor have I ever)
- I don't drink, take birth control, eat meat, am over weight, have any people in my family who have breast cancer that I know of
- I exercise 4 X a week to a 5 a.m. wake- up call
- I gave up sugar, wheat and gluen 5 days a week
- I have a loving relationships with everyone I hold dear, including a hot husband I adore
- I get along with not only your mother, but also I adore your mother-in-law!
- I have a well paying, relatively stress free job
- I actually coach other people in their life on being more effective and living a life they love.
THIS IS ME! AND I have discovered that this is happening to more and more young women like me. THIS COULD BE YOU! Look at your circle of friends and ask who is next, because 1 in 2 women will get in heir life time, and 1 in 9 under the age of 40 years old. So I write this post for them, for all the women warriors who have been diagnosed, then challenged on decisions they have chosen for their treatment plan. ANYONE WHO KNOWS ME, KNOWS I CHOSE TO HAVE CHEMO, it was not forced on me by some pushy doctor. ANYONE WHO KNOWS ME knows, no one tells me what to do (lol real talk!) ANYONE WHO KNOWS ME knows, research is my middle name. ANYONE WHO REALLY KNOWS ME knows, my husband has an auto immune decease and we have have been very diligent with out health and nutrition, because we have to be, that includes taking all the cancer preventative measures we know of.
I have Triple Positive breast cancer, (I could explain what that means, but I will leave that for another time, just follow the link). I have consulted and have presently 7 doctors on my case, here and out of country, Western and Eastern inclusive, (10 if you count the genetic counselor, the fertility doctors and my loving Cancer Navigator, Kate). In a word, I AM ON IT!!! And my cancer isn't even worse case scenario. Here is what I know; there are not enough people I have met or cases I have read about that have indicated, not doing chemo, given my age, with my type of breast cancer, has had a higher mortality rate, than with doing chemo. Period. I think people forget, PEOPLE DIE FROM THIS SHIT. Yes people who do chemo die too, that is a fact . . . but more have lived. I am not an advocate for chemo, or someone else's treatment plan, but I do want to choose mine without judgement.
There is so much politics as to why I think I got cancer, i.e. what preventative measures the government is not taking, how the cancer drug game is big business etc. but I will dive into at another time. For now I will close with the following, PLEASE DO NOT SEND ANYMORE ARTICLES, QUICK FIX REMEDIES (animated or otherwise) SUGGESTIONS OR MEDICAL ADVICE If you do not fit under one of the following categories:
- Medical Professional
- Naturopathic Practitioner
- Are missing any form of the word 'Doctor' outside of your title
- ARE ONE OF MY BREAST CANCER WOMEN WARRIORS - a.ka. An actual person who has or had cancer
- I will even accept suggestions from people who have had actual immediate family members who have had cancer - YOU HAVE TAKEN THIS JOURNEY BEFORE AND ARE THE BACKBONE OF OUR SUPPORT SYSTEM
Other than that I respectively and LOVINGLY ask everyone to hold your opinions on the cure, to yourself. I know I will get some backlash from this post, (especially if I referenced you), however this one is for the women who actually have breast cancer and have enough to deal with; the weekly, daily appointments, the medications to track, the side effects, DO YOU THINK WE DON'T KNOW THE SIDE EFFECTS?? The CT scans, MRI's, ultra sounds, fertility treatments, egg harvesting, financial strain, families tears, friends tears, job security, nutrition, mental breakdowns, emotional breakdowns, emotional breakthroughs, mortality - did I mention this is just on a Monday? We are dealing with all of this and pointing out what you think we could/should be doing is not helpful. WE HAVE ENOUGH TO DEAL WITH.
Everyone thinks they know what they would do if it were them . . . Until it's them. - Me
*** Sending LOVE to all who know this was not directed to you . . . even to those it was . . . although some have been FB deleted . . . BUT it won't matter because you don't read my posts anyway! LOL!