Corey and I just celebrated our one-year wedding anniversary and I never got him a card, because there wasn’t a card that could say everything that needed to be said to a man like this. This is a love letter to my husband, (so if you are not down for some mushy stuff, go away). Hehe!
I wrote this weeks ago, because I wanted to capture exactly how I felt in this moment in time.
I hesitate to even write this because just thinking about who you have been for me moves me to a waterfall of tears.
I know that when you get married you say all these vows like, "I promise to love, cherish . . . In sickness and in health, 'till death do us part’." You know the drill. We even wrote our own vows where I bawled my face off in front of 130 of our closest friends and family. I remember the only trouble I had writing it was my attempt to keep it short, I had so much I wanted to say to you. I mean we already did 9 years of you and me, so us getting married was just another way to show how much we loved each other. But when the big ‘C’ came into our lives, 6 short months later, I was scared that I had ruined the blissful path we had set our sights on. I wasn't sure how this would affect us, me, you . . . you and me. You have had a front row seat to it all and to say you have been my rock, would be an understatement. That does not encapsulate who you have been for me. SO, instead I will say THANK-YOU. Thank-you for your unwavering faith of, “We got this.” I never once looked at you and doubted that I was not going to be defeated by this.
So, Thank-you for that first and foremost, but for so much more:
- Thank-you for taking me to appointment after appointment and holding my hand literally through each one. Thank-you for never judging me when my mood went from happy to uncontrollable tears within minutes.
- Thank-you for always making me laugh when I wanted to curl up in a ball and give up.
- Thank-you for bringing me my vitamins every morning and have it sitting the bed before I even open my eyes.
- Thank -you for coming home in the middle of the day, every day, to check on me, bring me food, or just keep my company.
- Thank-you for sitting with me until I fall asleep in the middle of the afternoon.
- Thank-you for your eyes that never showed pity or fear, just love.
- Thank-you for telling me I am beautiful day in and day out, (even in my daily uniform of robe, fuzzy socks and sunglasses).
- Thank-you for sleeping in the other room when you got a cold as to not affect me.
- Thank-you for rubbing my head and kissing it goodnight.
- Thank-you for reading to me when my head and eyes hurt too much to read for myself.
- Thank you for bringing me snacks when you knew, that bag of Doritos might be the only thing that would bring me peace and I couldn’t leave the house to get them myself. AND for not getting me snacks that you knew would send my digestive track into chaos (like the pizza, burger and fries I always wanted).
- Thank-you for listening to all my complaining about the same things over and over and OVER, and not once sounding annoyed, you never made me feel like I exhausted you with the same old complaints, "My hair is falling out, my eyebrows, I cat eat, can't sleep, I'm sad, I'm angry, I'm cold, I'm hot, I'm depressed etc.”
- Thank-you for letting me buy all those clothes online even though we both know I had no damn place to wear them.
- Thank-you for laying around with me and watching all my favorite “chick flick” favorites.
- Thank-you for, Me: “Honey do I look like an alien, am I ugly?” You: “Ugly?? You are beautiful and look like a sexy milk dud.” And then kissed my bald head.
- Thank-you for never letting me give up on who I know myself to be, who you know me to be.
- Thank-you for being stronger than me (you always have been, one of the many reasons I married you).
- Thank-you for loving me unconditionally.
So, I have some words, but they will never be enough to express what you have been for me, it's a feeling, like I grab my heart and start to cry every time I think of who you have been. I know you know all this so I didn't need to write this, I tell you everyday how much I appreciate everything you do, BC (before cancer) and now. That is the type of relationship we have. This is for the world to know who you are. The best man I know. My best friend in every sense of the word. You are being the love of my life is a given, you are also my light at the end of a very dark tunnel.
I LOVE YOU
Your Wife, a.k.a. Sexy milk Dud