I know it has been a long time since I posted. I have been building a business and jet setting, trying to make up for lost time. BUT I’m baaaaaack!
It’s weird to read my blog. LOL! Not for you, (at least I hope not), but for me. I am going back and reading things I wrote while going through my journey and it is so surreal. First, I think, I am a pretty good writer, who knew?! Then I think, wow, did this really happen to me? I know it sounds dumb, but I still have a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that I had cancer at all. It’s not like I forgot everything that has happened this last year, or that am not still dealing with the aftermath of it, because I am. It’s so baffling to me, how sure I was that, that as long as I took care of myself, that that would never be me. And it was. I really thought I did everything, “right.”
I was lying in bed last night thinking, for sure it was the pesticides in my veggies, I mean I do eat a ton. I never wash them, (not to be gross or anything), but I want to be honest. P.S. rinsing them under the tap is not washing them. It had to be that right? Then I thought, “It has to be the stress, I put a lot of pressure on myself to be successful, 2 start-up companies, living that entrepreneurship life.” But then I think of the crazy hours other people I know work, I am not the only one. I wasn’t living on 15-hour days, caffeine and a dream, I took care of my body. Was it because I never had kids? Nope, I’ve met plenty of women with kids, some who even got cancer while pregnant. Was it the meat or dairy? I mean I gave that up about 5 years ago, but maybe it was too late? I was lying there racking my brain, listing all different types of scenarios, until I remembered . . . there is no cure. F! Is that supposed to comfort me? To some extent, I guess so. I mean, if there is no cure, then there is nothing I could have done, knowingly, to prevent it. I have to remind myself of this almost daily.
Today, all I can do is try and live as healthy as I know how (granted I was doing this before the, cancer), oh and I wash my veggies religiously, do you know what are in those pesticides?? It’s quite frightening! But really, we still don’t know, why some women get it over others. That is some scary- ass shit.